No matter how many resolutions I make
to maintain consistency in the publication of my posts, I seem unable
to avoid at least a three month break from any sort of writing once
a year. I am at a loss to explain why. It may be because of the foul
weather and the fact that I am too busy changing my clothes several
times a day. A month back, these daft blokes in the BMC were talking
about water shortages. Water shortages my left foot! Just send a
couple of workers to give my T-Shirts a good squeeze ten times a day
and you'll collect enough water to satisfy the Mankhurd
slum. Or at any rate, as much water as the Mankhurd slum deserves.
I fail to understand why we human
beings have evolved so pointlessly(Take that, Dawkins, Darwin and the
rest of you chest thumping evolutionists). Sweat does not evaporate
after the humidity has exceeded a certain figure; no evaporation
means no cooling mechanism; therefore we remain as hot as we were
before we started sweating and as a result, continue to sweat more!
Damn stupid if you ask me. The solution would be to have the sweat
glands evolve NOT to belch out saltwater when the humidity crosses
that threshold. Given that human skin was so quick to turn black when
the excessive hair fell off and so quick to turn white when
confronted with ice and snow, one would expect this little adjustment
to not be too much trouble for Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Unfortunately,
it is.
However, earlier this year I was in
Rome, Florence, Vienna and Salsburg. I encountered no such problems
there. The weather was absolutely beautiful; I could have used the
same clothing for my entire stay. This may be one reason why the
average European does not undertake the daily shower/bath that we
Indians cannot do without. This European habit, however, is not
valued by everyone. There was a Prince Archbishop of Salzburg in the
16th century named Marcus Sitticus who apparently enjoyed trick
fountains and drenching unsuspecting people. One such trick fountain
was at his dinner table; there was a fountain outlet on every seat
save Marcus Sitticus' own. At a time he deemed opportune, old Marcus
would press a little button and royally drench everyone's behind.
They find it very funny in Salzburg that the man would play a trick
like that, but with my Indian background I think I have an insight
into Marcus' mind that most Salzburgers lack. I think Marcus Sitticus
had an ulterior motive. Some things are just not meant for dry
cleaning, if you get my drift.
Anyway, today is the Bandra Feast and
in hours we shall have the Bandra fair upon us. I have been rather
slow to develop Bandraphilia(as compared to the rest of my neighbourhood) but
after returning from Europe and witnessing Aamchi Mumbai afresh, I am
convinced that this once sleepy village is the only place around
Bombay worth living in. Hope it remains so forever and a day. To all
my fellow Bandraites, I have two words for you: Happy Feast.
And to all non-Bandraites, two words
for the next week : STAY AWAY.
