iFail

Steve Jobs is one of those chappies who knows how to make a point. If you ever doubted the fact that Apple has been born of Steve Jobs, nursed by Steve jobs and milked by Steve Jobs, you need to watch him unveiling everything new that is Apple. That wonderful first person singular pronoun flows off his lips like his very own inner being.  iPod . iOS. iPhone. iStore. iTunes. iTouch. iPad. And now, iCloud?
Touch , Pad and Cloud, indeed.
The first, to most of us, is a sense of the greatest importance. The second , those large things cricket players shove onto their legs before tooling off to bat . Alternatively, something applied to an unmentionable something, by women. The third , just one thing to most of us in this weather. Rain.
I'm willing to wager that, by 2020, we shall have iBone, iPot , iFoot and iSun. And we'll lap it up,  exclaim about its superior quality and praise the innovation of the great Jobs.
Because, ultimately, when something is packaged brilliantly, wrapped in shiny metal and radiating sunshine , we go ga-ga over it. It's our nature , we're human beings. And Apple has mastered the art of doing this, in addition to giving whatever utility they give, with a lot of foofaraw . Repetition , particularly cheesy, catchy repetition , has its effect.
What was the iPhone's Retina Display Caption? "960 by 640 by Wow". It doesn't matter if you just felt an excruciating pain in your stomach. You are never going to forget the caption.
Alas. My next phone is probably going to be an iPhone.

The Trial of Alcohol. Witnesses for the Prosecution, rally round.

Welcome, young gentlemen of the jury . Presiding over today's trial is I, Judge-Prosecutor Andrew, 22. Today , the defendant , Miss Alcohol Alcohol, is to be tried on seven counts. 

Gentlemen , you have a responsibility. If Miss Alcohol is found guilty on even a single charge, she shall face disciplinary action for the rest of her life at the hands us and the posterity of young men that will follow us - to dispose of her as we please.

The charges we bring against you, Miss Alcohol, are as follows : 

1. That you are a cheat and have been eavesdropping on the nefarious activities of your cousin, Mr Petrol.

2. That you have offended your deeply sensitive politician-husbands by flirting with young men, particularly in the city of Bombay. These husbands have vented their frustration on Baba Ramdev , making him disguise himself as a woman , detrimental to his status as God-Man. 

3. That you have now walked out on these young men to exclusively soothe the wounds of the whingy  husbands.

4. That you now intend to make us illegally chase you all over  town, at a dreadful inconvenience to our often  limited  means of transport, while making large holes in our often limited pockets.

5. That, while chasing you, you confront us with your  slaves round every corner, who are fat, always have a whiff of you about them, call themselves the Law, and need to be bribed.

6.  That you have no business sense and are causing bankruptcy to the fine men  who have opened pubs and clubs for the greater good of mankind.

7. That you are a racist and favour Pakistan over Bombay. 

What do you have to say for yourself?