Welcome, young gentlemen of the jury . Presiding over today's trial is I, Judge-Prosecutor Andrew, 22. Today , the defendant , Miss Alcohol Alcohol, is to be tried on seven counts.
Gentlemen , you have a responsibility. If Miss Alcohol is found guilty on even a single charge, she shall face disciplinary action for the rest of her life at the hands us and the posterity of young men that will follow us - to dispose of her as we please.
The charges we bring against you, Miss Alcohol, are as follows :
1. That you are a cheat and have been eavesdropping on the nefarious activities of your cousin, Mr Petrol.
2. That you have offended your deeply sensitive politician-husbands by flirting with young men, particularly in the city of Bombay. These husbands have vented their frustration on Baba Ramdev , making him disguise himself as a woman , detrimental to his status as God-Man.
3. That you have now walked out on these young men to exclusively soothe the wounds of the whingy husbands.
4. That you now intend to make us illegally chase you all over town, at a dreadful inconvenience to our often limited means of transport, while making large holes in our often limited pockets.
5. That, while chasing you, you confront us with your slaves round every corner, who are fat, always have a whiff of you about them, call themselves the Law, and need to be bribed.
6. That you have no business sense and are causing bankruptcy to the fine men who have opened pubs and clubs for the greater good of mankind.
7. That you are a racist and favour Pakistan over Bombay.
What do you have to say for yourself?
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